Still at work?

Still at work?? A question that I never thought I'd hear a lot, well I was wrong. I am still uncertain of this job, so far it has been manageable, I have gained a lot of knowledge.

Here's the thing, I feel like I am left out, I am part of the design team, yet I don't know who's doing what, I tried to divide the workload, but I was objected by a fellow designer " we are not here to listen to your orders, just do your work ". I do realize that I was trying to be the one "In-Charge" when clearly I am not, it sometimes frustrates me that when I look over my shoulder, the other designers are doing what I am doing, while there are other things on the design list.

For now, all I can do is do everything, whose design gets approval for production ( So far it hasn't been mine ) will be noted by the management.

Which comes to another point, I feel as if my skills are not for the Corporate world, or I am being overshadowed by the more experienced designers. I do question myself " Am I supposed to be a designer? ", I can't judge my own work. I do see myself slowly losing in this rat race, I don't have that desire to win, I just want my work to be seen by the public.

I can see that I won't be working long in this company, there's four designers, one is the senior designer, he is currently on a long leave, the three include myself, are the ones who have to be in the office. Interestingly, the senior designer & myself have gotten along fine, he has shared with me that the management might " throw away " a designer from the three, one ( which is not me ) have gotten a permanent place in the company, but he doesn't know it yet, while myself & the other designer have had a bad reputation with the creative director, and so far I have not been contributing much, I don't want to be a kiss ass, that is not within my nature, I could care less whether they are going to keep me or not.

Enough rambling, I had a " good " time at Hard Rock cafe last weekend, went the to enjoy the " Lefthanded " concert, it was " good " because, I had to watch it on the Tv monitors, it was a full house, people were standing on the 2nd floor tables.

My birthday was spent quite relaxed, afternoon I met up with the senior designer, sent him to see my uncle for a messaging session, evening was spent with my friends, they bought a cake for me & another friend of mine which shared the same birth date.

These are the highlights of my life, sad isn't it?